Everyone makes mistakes and the busier you are, the more mistakes you will make. The only question is "How well and how effectively do you deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life?"
In this newsletter, you learn the difference between a positive and negative worldview. You learn how to benefit from your mistakes and how to remain positive in the face of adversity.
Let the Light Shine In:
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.
Using Stumbling Blocks as Stepping Stones:
There are two ways to look at the world: the benevolent way or the malevolent way. People with a malevolent or negative worldview take a victim stance, seeing life as a continuous succession of problems and a process of unfairness and oppression. They don't expect a lot and they don't get much. When things go wrong, they shrug their shoulders and passively accept that this is the way life is and there isn't anything they can do to make it better.
On the other hand, people with a benevolent or positive worldview see the world around them as filled with opportunities and possibilities. They believe that everything happens as part of a great process designed to make them successful and happy. They approach their lives, their work, and their relationships with optimism, cheerfulness, and a general attitude of positive expectations. They expect a lot and they are seldom disappointed.
Flex Your Mental Muscles:
When you develop the skill of learning from your mistakes, you become the kind of person who welcomes obstacles and setbacks as opportunities to flex your mental muscles and move ahead. You look at problems as rungs on the ladder of success that you grab onto as you pull your way higher.
Two of the most common ways to deal with mistakes are invariably fatal to high achievement. The first common but misguided way to handle a mistake is the failure to accept it when it occurs. According to statistics, 70 percent of all decisions we make will be wrong. That's an average. This means that some people will fail more than 70 percent of the time, and some people will fail less. It is hard to believe that most of the decisions we make could turn out to be wrong in some way. In fact, if this is the case, how can our society continue to function at all?
Cut Your Losses:
The fact is that our society, our families, our companies, and our relationships continue to survive and thrive because intelligent people tend to cut their losses and minimize their mistakes. It is only when people refuse to accept that they have made a bad choice or decision-and prolong the consequences by sticking to that bad choice or decision-that mistakes become extremely expensive and hurtful.
Learn From Your Mistakes:
The second common approach that people take with regard to their mistakes, one that hurts innumerable lives and careers, is the failure to use your mistakes to better yourself and to improve the quality of your mind and your thinking.
Learning from your mistakes is an essential skill that enables you to develop the resilience to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. The person who recognizes that he has made a mistake and changes direction the fastest is the one who will win in an age of increasing information, technology and competition.
By remaining fast on your feet, you will be able to out-play and out-position your competition. You will become a creator of circumstances rather than a creature of circumstances.
Action Exercises:
Now, here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, imagine that your biggest problem or challenge in life has been sent to you at this moment to help you, to teach you something valuable. What could it be?
Second, be willing to cut your losses and walk away if you have made a mistake or a bad choice. Accept that you are not perfect, you can't be right all the time, and then get on with your life.
Third, learn from every mistake you make. Write down every lesson it contains. Use your mistakes in the present as stepping stones to great success in the future.
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Seven Keys to High-Energy Living
Energy is a key luck factor. For you to be at the top of your form, to be action oriented, fast moving, and extremely productive, you have to have high levels of physical and mental energy.
For you to be able to take advantage of all the possibilities around you, and to have the continuous enthusiasm that keeps you and others motivated and moving ahead, you have to organize your life so that you feel terrific about yourself most of the time.
1. Eat the Right Foods
The first key to high energy is a proper diet. To perform at your best, you must eat the right foods, in the right balance, and in the right combination. Your diet has an inordinate impact on the amount of energy you have, how well you sleep, your levels of health and fitness, and your performance throughout the day and into the evening.
2. Watch your Weight
The second key to high energy is proper weight. Proper weight is essential for health, happiness, and long life. Being slightly under your ideal weight is best. As they say, you can never be too rich or too thin. If you are not happy with your current level of physical health, you need to set specific goals for yourself for the weeks and months ahead.
3. Exercise is Essential
The third key to high energy is proper exercise. The best activity for high energy and physical fitness is aerobic exercise. This type of exercise requires that you get your heart rate up into what is called the training zone three times per week. This training zone is about 120 to 160 beats per minute, depending on your age. You then keep it there for at least 20 minutes or more each session.
4. Get Lots of Rest and Recreation
The fourth key to high energy is proper rest. You need an average of seven to eight hours of sleep each night to be fully rested. You need to take off at least one full day each week during which you don't work at all. You should take regular mini-holidays of two or three days each, every couple of months. You should take one and two week vacations each year when you relax completely and get your mind totally off your work.
5. Develop a Positive Mental Attitude
The sixth key to high energy is the elimination of negative emotions. This can be the most important thing you do to assure a long and happy life. Your ability to keep your mind on what you want and off of what you don't want will determine your levels of health and happiness more than any other decision you make.
6. Start a Personal Mental Fitness Program
The seventh key to high energy is for you to go on a 21-daypositive mental attitude diet, one day at a time. Resolve that, for the next 21 day, you are going to keep your mind on what you want and keep it off the things you don't want. You are going to think and talk positively and optimistically about your goals, other people, and everything that is going on in your life.
7. Become a Personal Powerhouse
The more you practice the health habits we have talked about, the more energy and vitality you will have. The more you keep your conversation focused on your goals and on the things you want, the greater the amount of strength and power you will feel. You will be more alert and aware. You will feel more positive and action oriented in every situation.
Action Exercise
Resolve to become intensely action oriented from now on; whenever you get a good idea or something needs to be done, move quickly.
For you to be able to take advantage of all the possibilities around you, and to have the continuous enthusiasm that keeps you and others motivated and moving ahead, you have to organize your life so that you feel terrific about yourself most of the time.
1. Eat the Right Foods
The first key to high energy is a proper diet. To perform at your best, you must eat the right foods, in the right balance, and in the right combination. Your diet has an inordinate impact on the amount of energy you have, how well you sleep, your levels of health and fitness, and your performance throughout the day and into the evening.
2. Watch your Weight
The second key to high energy is proper weight. Proper weight is essential for health, happiness, and long life. Being slightly under your ideal weight is best. As they say, you can never be too rich or too thin. If you are not happy with your current level of physical health, you need to set specific goals for yourself for the weeks and months ahead.
3. Exercise is Essential
The third key to high energy is proper exercise. The best activity for high energy and physical fitness is aerobic exercise. This type of exercise requires that you get your heart rate up into what is called the training zone three times per week. This training zone is about 120 to 160 beats per minute, depending on your age. You then keep it there for at least 20 minutes or more each session.
4. Get Lots of Rest and Recreation
The fourth key to high energy is proper rest. You need an average of seven to eight hours of sleep each night to be fully rested. You need to take off at least one full day each week during which you don't work at all. You should take regular mini-holidays of two or three days each, every couple of months. You should take one and two week vacations each year when you relax completely and get your mind totally off your work.
5. Develop a Positive Mental Attitude
The sixth key to high energy is the elimination of negative emotions. This can be the most important thing you do to assure a long and happy life. Your ability to keep your mind on what you want and off of what you don't want will determine your levels of health and happiness more than any other decision you make.
6. Start a Personal Mental Fitness Program
The seventh key to high energy is for you to go on a 21-daypositive mental attitude diet, one day at a time. Resolve that, for the next 21 day, you are going to keep your mind on what you want and keep it off the things you don't want. You are going to think and talk positively and optimistically about your goals, other people, and everything that is going on in your life.
7. Become a Personal Powerhouse
The more you practice the health habits we have talked about, the more energy and vitality you will have. The more you keep your conversation focused on your goals and on the things you want, the greater the amount of strength and power you will feel. You will be more alert and aware. You will feel more positive and action oriented in every situation.
Action Exercise
Resolve to become intensely action oriented from now on; whenever you get a good idea or something needs to be done, move quickly.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
The Principle of the Objective
Learn from the Lessons of History
The concepts of military strategy have been studied and written about for more than 4,000 years, going back to the early works of General Sun-Tzu in China more than 2,000 years BC. These principles of strategy that have been developed and perfected over the centuries have direct applications and implications for strategic thinking, both personally and corporately.
Decide In Advance What You Want
The most important military principle is the Principle of the Objective. This principle requires that you decide in advance exactly what it is that you are trying to accomplish. What exactly is your objective? In my experience, fully 80% of all problems in personal and corporate life come from a lack of clarity with regard to objectives and goals.
Clarity Is Critical
Clarity of objective precedes all other elements in strategic thinking. Here are some questions that you can use over and over again to focus and clarify your objectives. The first question is, "What am I trying to do?" The second question is, "How am I trying to do it?" The third question is, "What are my assumptions?" And the fourth question is, "What if my assumptions were wrong?"
Question Your Assumptions
Having the courage to ask these questions, and to question your assumptions, both spoken and unspoken, is a key mark of the superior person. Sometimes individuals avoid questioning their assumptions for fear that they will have to change their minds or do something other than what they started out to do. However, false assumptions lie at the root of almost every failure. The only way that you can root out these wrong assumptions is by carefully analyzing them and discussing them, and then by demanding proof or evidence that these assumptions are still valid.
Project Forward In Your Mind
Another method for clarifying your objectives is for you to project forward and look backward. In other words, imagine that you have already achieved the objective that you are working toward. Project yourself forward in your mind and then look back to the present day, to the present moment. What do you see? What changes could you make looking back from this imaginary perspective of hindsight? This is a key peak performance thinking technique.
Determine Why You Want It
The final part of clarifying your objectives revolves around your identifying the reasons why you want to achieve this objective in the first place. Why is it important? Is it still as important as when you started off? Is this objective more important than any other objective that you could be working on? It is essential that you be clear about the answers to these questions.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to apply the principle of the objective to your personal and business life:
First, take out a piece of paper and answer the question: "What am I trying to do?" What are your goals? What are your objectives? Why are you doing what you are doing in the first place? Is this the very best use of your time and energy?
Second, question your assumptions. What things are you assuming are true about yourself, the people around you and the situation? What if one of these assumptions turned out to be false? What changes would you have to make if you found that your most cherished assumptions were not based on reality, or were contradicted by facts?
The concepts of military strategy have been studied and written about for more than 4,000 years, going back to the early works of General Sun-Tzu in China more than 2,000 years BC. These principles of strategy that have been developed and perfected over the centuries have direct applications and implications for strategic thinking, both personally and corporately.
Decide In Advance What You Want
The most important military principle is the Principle of the Objective. This principle requires that you decide in advance exactly what it is that you are trying to accomplish. What exactly is your objective? In my experience, fully 80% of all problems in personal and corporate life come from a lack of clarity with regard to objectives and goals.
Clarity Is Critical
Clarity of objective precedes all other elements in strategic thinking. Here are some questions that you can use over and over again to focus and clarify your objectives. The first question is, "What am I trying to do?" The second question is, "How am I trying to do it?" The third question is, "What are my assumptions?" And the fourth question is, "What if my assumptions were wrong?"
Question Your Assumptions
Having the courage to ask these questions, and to question your assumptions, both spoken and unspoken, is a key mark of the superior person. Sometimes individuals avoid questioning their assumptions for fear that they will have to change their minds or do something other than what they started out to do. However, false assumptions lie at the root of almost every failure. The only way that you can root out these wrong assumptions is by carefully analyzing them and discussing them, and then by demanding proof or evidence that these assumptions are still valid.
Project Forward In Your Mind
Another method for clarifying your objectives is for you to project forward and look backward. In other words, imagine that you have already achieved the objective that you are working toward. Project yourself forward in your mind and then look back to the present day, to the present moment. What do you see? What changes could you make looking back from this imaginary perspective of hindsight? This is a key peak performance thinking technique.
Determine Why You Want It
The final part of clarifying your objectives revolves around your identifying the reasons why you want to achieve this objective in the first place. Why is it important? Is it still as important as when you started off? Is this objective more important than any other objective that you could be working on? It is essential that you be clear about the answers to these questions.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to apply the principle of the objective to your personal and business life:
First, take out a piece of paper and answer the question: "What am I trying to do?" What are your goals? What are your objectives? Why are you doing what you are doing in the first place? Is this the very best use of your time and energy?
Second, question your assumptions. What things are you assuming are true about yourself, the people around you and the situation? What if one of these assumptions turned out to be false? What changes would you have to make if you found that your most cherished assumptions were not based on reality, or were contradicted by facts?
How to Identify Your Goals
Here are seven goal-setting questions for you to ask and answer over and over again. I suggest that you take a pad of paper and write out your responses.
Question Number One:
What are your five most important values in life?
This question is intended to help you clarify what is really important to you, and by extension, what is less important, or unimportant. Once you have identified the five most important values in life for you, organize them in order of priority, from number one, the most important, through number five.
Question Number Two:
What are your three most important goals in life, right now?
This is called the "quick list" method. When you only have thirty seconds to write down your three most important goals, your subconscious mind sorts out your many goals quickly. Your top three will just pop into your conscious mind. With only thirty seconds, you will be as accurate as if you had thirty minutes.
Question Number Three:
What would you do, how would you spend your time, if you learned today that you only had six months to live?
This is another value questions to help you clarify what is really important to you. When your time is limited, even if only in your imagination, you become aware of who and what you really care about.
Question Number Four:
What would you do if you won a million dollars cash, tax free, in the lottery tomorrow?
How would you change your life? What would you buy? What would you start doing, or stop doing? This is really a question to help you decide what you'd do if you had all the time and money you need, and if you had virtually no fear of failure at all.
Question Number Five:
What have you always wanted to do, but been afraid to attempt?
This question helps you see more clearly where your fears could be blocking you from doing what you really want to do.
Question Number Six:
What do you most enjoy doing? What gives you your greatest feeling of self-esteem and personal satisfaction?
This is another values question that may indicate where you should explore to find your "heart's desire." You will always be most happy doing what you most love to do, and what you most love to do is invariably the activity that makes you feel the most alive and fulfilled. The most successful men and women in America are invariably doing what they really enjoy, most of the time.
Question Number Seven:
What one great thing would you dare to dream if you knew you would not fail?
Imagine that a genie appears and grants you one wish. The genie guarantees that you will be absolutely, completely successful in any one thing that you attempt to do, big or small, short or long-term. If you were absolutely guaranteed success in any one thing, what one exciting goal would you set for yourself?
Action Exercise
Study the pad of paper that you used to answer these questions. This paper represents your future goals. Look at what you wrote every day and shape your life the way you see it on that paper.
Question Number One:
What are your five most important values in life?
This question is intended to help you clarify what is really important to you, and by extension, what is less important, or unimportant. Once you have identified the five most important values in life for you, organize them in order of priority, from number one, the most important, through number five.
Question Number Two:
What are your three most important goals in life, right now?
This is called the "quick list" method. When you only have thirty seconds to write down your three most important goals, your subconscious mind sorts out your many goals quickly. Your top three will just pop into your conscious mind. With only thirty seconds, you will be as accurate as if you had thirty minutes.
Question Number Three:
What would you do, how would you spend your time, if you learned today that you only had six months to live?
This is another value questions to help you clarify what is really important to you. When your time is limited, even if only in your imagination, you become aware of who and what you really care about.
Question Number Four:
What would you do if you won a million dollars cash, tax free, in the lottery tomorrow?
How would you change your life? What would you buy? What would you start doing, or stop doing? This is really a question to help you decide what you'd do if you had all the time and money you need, and if you had virtually no fear of failure at all.
Question Number Five:
What have you always wanted to do, but been afraid to attempt?
This question helps you see more clearly where your fears could be blocking you from doing what you really want to do.
Question Number Six:
What do you most enjoy doing? What gives you your greatest feeling of self-esteem and personal satisfaction?
This is another values question that may indicate where you should explore to find your "heart's desire." You will always be most happy doing what you most love to do, and what you most love to do is invariably the activity that makes you feel the most alive and fulfilled. The most successful men and women in America are invariably doing what they really enjoy, most of the time.
Question Number Seven:
What one great thing would you dare to dream if you knew you would not fail?
Imagine that a genie appears and grants you one wish. The genie guarantees that you will be absolutely, completely successful in any one thing that you attempt to do, big or small, short or long-term. If you were absolutely guaranteed success in any one thing, what one exciting goal would you set for yourself?
Action Exercise
Study the pad of paper that you used to answer these questions. This paper represents your future goals. Look at what you wrote every day and shape your life the way you see it on that paper.
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Rolling The Dice
Gambling is perhaps the most perfect example of the desire to get something for nothing. The whole idea behind gambling is there is some fast, easy way to get money that you have not earned. Proponents of legalized gambling declare that it is an innocent form of entertainment. But gamblers always lose eventually. It is only a matter of time. The billion-dollar casinos and gambling resorts have not been built with "losses."
Indian Casinos
According to economist Alan Meister in his new "Indian Gaming Industry Report," the nation's 405 Indian casinos generated about nineteen billion dollars in revenues last year, up from zero a few years ago. In other estimates, these tribes and casinos contributed more than $800 million in 2004 to various politicians, making them the biggest and most powerful political lobbying group in the world. Not surprisingly, most tribal casino revenues are almost impossible to verify. No one knows for sure how much is going to which people for what purposes.
Gambling Destroys the Gambler
The main objective to gambling is not that most people are losing money that could be better spent on their families. The worst aspect of the "gambling bug" is it destroys the gambler's capacity to deal with reality. According to psychologists, when gamblers win, they consider it to be a matter of personal skill. When they lose, however, they define the situation not as "losing" but "almost winning." They create a fantasy world around gambling and attempt to live in it.
Gambling with Corruption
Gambling corrupts the soul and makes the gambler negative, distrustful, and angry. Continued losing undermines his self-esteem and destroys his self-respect. For every gambling loss, there is an opponent, as in poker, or a dealer/croupier, as in black jack or roulette, who wins. The loser is always being defeated by someone visible and real. As a result, he ends up feeling frustrated and bitter. He feels like a loser.
Gambling Corrupts
The act of gambling opens up the mind to every other possibility of getting something for nothing, and like a syphilis spirochete, the gambling idea soon lodges in the brain, causing a form of insanity, destroying both the person and his or her family.
To Hell and Back
A reporter for National Review wrote recently, “I have been to hell and returned. It is a place called Las Vegas in the Nevada desert.” He went on to write about the casinos filled with working men and women, grim-faced, betting and losing their rent money, money that could be better spent on their children. Anyone who has walked through a casino has noticed the strained faces and lack of joy among the people for whom the loss of their hard-earned money is only a matter of time.
Action Exercise
It is not possible to outlaw gambling. But like an addictive narcotic, the only way you can avoid its destructive effects is to avoid it altogether. You can recognize that it is an attempt to get something for nothing, which is inherently wrong. Worse, it weakens your moral immune system and makes you susceptible to other temptations to get something for nothing.
Indian Casinos
According to economist Alan Meister in his new "Indian Gaming Industry Report," the nation's 405 Indian casinos generated about nineteen billion dollars in revenues last year, up from zero a few years ago. In other estimates, these tribes and casinos contributed more than $800 million in 2004 to various politicians, making them the biggest and most powerful political lobbying group in the world. Not surprisingly, most tribal casino revenues are almost impossible to verify. No one knows for sure how much is going to which people for what purposes.
Gambling Destroys the Gambler
The main objective to gambling is not that most people are losing money that could be better spent on their families. The worst aspect of the "gambling bug" is it destroys the gambler's capacity to deal with reality. According to psychologists, when gamblers win, they consider it to be a matter of personal skill. When they lose, however, they define the situation not as "losing" but "almost winning." They create a fantasy world around gambling and attempt to live in it.
Gambling with Corruption
Gambling corrupts the soul and makes the gambler negative, distrustful, and angry. Continued losing undermines his self-esteem and destroys his self-respect. For every gambling loss, there is an opponent, as in poker, or a dealer/croupier, as in black jack or roulette, who wins. The loser is always being defeated by someone visible and real. As a result, he ends up feeling frustrated and bitter. He feels like a loser.
Gambling Corrupts
The act of gambling opens up the mind to every other possibility of getting something for nothing, and like a syphilis spirochete, the gambling idea soon lodges in the brain, causing a form of insanity, destroying both the person and his or her family.
To Hell and Back
A reporter for National Review wrote recently, “I have been to hell and returned. It is a place called Las Vegas in the Nevada desert.” He went on to write about the casinos filled with working men and women, grim-faced, betting and losing their rent money, money that could be better spent on their children. Anyone who has walked through a casino has noticed the strained faces and lack of joy among the people for whom the loss of their hard-earned money is only a matter of time.
Action Exercise
It is not possible to outlaw gambling. But like an addictive narcotic, the only way you can avoid its destructive effects is to avoid it altogether. You can recognize that it is an attempt to get something for nothing, which is inherently wrong. Worse, it weakens your moral immune system and makes you susceptible to other temptations to get something for nothing.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Moving Upward and Onward
Don't Sell Yourself Short
It's not what you have but what you do with what you have that will determine your success or failure. Abraham Maslow, the great psychologist said that the story of the human race is the story of people selling themselves short. He said people have a tendency to settle for far less from life than they are truly capable of. Many people are spinning their wheels in careers where they should be moving rapidly onward and upward. Here's how you can put your career on the fast track.
Choose Your Parents Carefully
Someone once said that the key to success was to choose your parents carefully. That may be partially true but it is even more important to choose your job or career with great care. The choice of a job or occupation for which you are ideally suited comes before anything else. If you try to work at something you don't enjoy or don't believe in, you'll never be happy, and you'll never be successful.
Be the Best At What You Do
Which leads us to the next point. If you want to reach the stars in your career, you have to become excellent at what you do. You have to pay any price, go any distance, spend any amount of time necessary to "be the best." Extraordinary rewards only go for extraordinary performance; average rewards for average performance; below average rewards, insecurity and failure for below average performance. And here's a vital key, you are being paid today exactly what you're worth - no more, no less. If you want to earn more, you must increase your worth, your value to others.
The Key to Motivation
The reason why choosing the right career, why doing what you love to do is so important, is because unless you really care about your work, you will never be motivated to persist at it until you become excellent. And until you become excellent at what you're doing, you can't move ahead.
The Key to Peak Performance
The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character and self-esteem. The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love and self-respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and lose their ability to effect our behavior and our decisions.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to be more successful in your career.
First, set high standards for yourself and recognize that anything that someone else has achieved, you can probably achieve as well. There are no limits.
Second, select one key skill area that is important in your job and resolve to become absolutely excellent in that area. Start today to get better and better.
It's not what you have but what you do with what you have that will determine your success or failure. Abraham Maslow, the great psychologist said that the story of the human race is the story of people selling themselves short. He said people have a tendency to settle for far less from life than they are truly capable of. Many people are spinning their wheels in careers where they should be moving rapidly onward and upward. Here's how you can put your career on the fast track.
Choose Your Parents Carefully
Someone once said that the key to success was to choose your parents carefully. That may be partially true but it is even more important to choose your job or career with great care. The choice of a job or occupation for which you are ideally suited comes before anything else. If you try to work at something you don't enjoy or don't believe in, you'll never be happy, and you'll never be successful.
Be the Best At What You Do
Which leads us to the next point. If you want to reach the stars in your career, you have to become excellent at what you do. You have to pay any price, go any distance, spend any amount of time necessary to "be the best." Extraordinary rewards only go for extraordinary performance; average rewards for average performance; below average rewards, insecurity and failure for below average performance. And here's a vital key, you are being paid today exactly what you're worth - no more, no less. If you want to earn more, you must increase your worth, your value to others.
The Key to Motivation
The reason why choosing the right career, why doing what you love to do is so important, is because unless you really care about your work, you will never be motivated to persist at it until you become excellent. And until you become excellent at what you're doing, you can't move ahead.
The Key to Peak Performance
The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character and self-esteem. The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love and self-respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and lose their ability to effect our behavior and our decisions.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to be more successful in your career.
First, set high standards for yourself and recognize that anything that someone else has achieved, you can probably achieve as well. There are no limits.
Second, select one key skill area that is important in your job and resolve to become absolutely excellent in that area. Start today to get better and better.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Accepting Yourself Unconditionally
How Are You Treated By Others?
Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and siblings and other important people.
Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you feel you are accepted by the important people in your life.
Your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes straight up.
The best way to build a healthy personality involves understanding yourself and your feelings.
Let the Light Shine In
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.
Understand What Makes You Tick
The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure, and it's called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you're truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop perspective, or what the Buddhists call "detachment."
Be Honest With Yourself
Now we come to the good part. After you've gone through self-disclosure to self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you're all you've got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.
Do An Inventory of Your Accomplishments
A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.
Think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your profession and in your personal life right now.
Think About Your Future
Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the obstacles that you create in your mind.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:
First, sit down with your spouse, or a good friend, and tell him or her about something that is troubling you and is still causing you unhappiness.
Second, develop perspective on your problem by standing back from it and imagining that it was happening to someone else. What advice would you give to that person?
Third, think continually about the good experiences and accomplishments you have enjoyed in the past. Remind yourself regularly that you are a pretty good person and you've done a lot of good things in your life.
Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and siblings and other important people.
Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you feel you are accepted by the important people in your life.
Your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes straight up.
The best way to build a healthy personality involves understanding yourself and your feelings.
Let the Light Shine In
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.
Understand What Makes You Tick
The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure, and it's called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you're truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop perspective, or what the Buddhists call "detachment."
Be Honest With Yourself
Now we come to the good part. After you've gone through self-disclosure to self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you're all you've got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.
Do An Inventory of Your Accomplishments
A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.
Think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your profession and in your personal life right now.
Think About Your Future
Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the obstacles that you create in your mind.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:
First, sit down with your spouse, or a good friend, and tell him or her about something that is troubling you and is still causing you unhappiness.
Second, develop perspective on your problem by standing back from it and imagining that it was happening to someone else. What advice would you give to that person?
Third, think continually about the good experiences and accomplishments you have enjoyed in the past. Remind yourself regularly that you are a pretty good person and you've done a lot of good things in your life.
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