How Are You Treated By Others?
Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and siblings and other important people.
Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you feel you are accepted by the important people in your life.
Your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes straight up.
The best way to build a healthy personality involves understanding yourself and your feelings.
Let the Light Shine In
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.
Understand What Makes You Tick
The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure, and it's called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you're truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop perspective, or what the Buddhists call "detachment."
Be Honest With Yourself
Now we come to the good part. After you've gone through self-disclosure to self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you're all you've got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.
Do An Inventory of Your Accomplishments
A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.
Think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your profession and in your personal life right now.
Think About Your Future
Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the obstacles that you create in your mind.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action:
First, sit down with your spouse, or a good friend, and tell him or her about something that is troubling you and is still causing you unhappiness.
Second, develop perspective on your problem by standing back from it and imagining that it was happening to someone else. What advice would you give to that person?
Third, think continually about the good experiences and accomplishments you have enjoyed in the past. Remind yourself regularly that you are a pretty good person and you've done a lot of good things in your life.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Listening Power
The art of good conversation centers very much on your ability to ask questions and to listen attentively to the answers. You can lace the conversation with your insights, ideas, and opinions, but you perfect the art and skill of conversation by perfecting the art and skill of asking good, well-worded questions that direct the conversation and give other people an opportunity to express themselves.
Ask Open Ended Questions
Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to expand on his thoughts and comments. And one question will lead to another. You can ask open-ended questions almost endlessly, drawing out of the other person everything that he or she has to say on a particular subject.
Be Content to Listen
In order to be an excellent conversationalist, you must resist the urge to dominate the discussion. The very best conversationalists seem to be low-key, easy-going, cheerful, and genuinely interested in the other person. They seem to be quite content to listen when other people are talking and they make their own contributions to the dialogue rather short and to the point.
Share the Opportunity to Talk
In fact, good conversation has an easy ebb and flow, like the tide coming in and going out. Whether it is between two people or among several, the conversation should shift back and forth, with each person getting an opportunity to talk. Conversation in this sense is like a ball that is tossed from person to person, with no one holding on to it for very long.
If you feel that you have been talking for too long, you should stop and ask a question of someone in the group. You will be tossing the conversational ball and giving that individual an opportunity to converse.
Learn to Listen Well
Listening is the most important of all skills for successful conversation. Many people are very poor listeners. Since everyone enjoys talking, it takes a real effort to practice the fundamentals of excellent listening and to make them a habit.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, make a habit of asking good, open-ended questions of others in every conversation and in response to problems or difficulties. This shows interest and increases your understanding.
Second, take a deep breath, relax and let the other person talk more. Practice over and over until you become an excellent listener.
"Influence People and Get What You Want - Using Only Your Words"
It's a simple fact - the most successful people in the world are also the best communicators. Your ability to communicate with others will account for fully 85% of your success in your business and in your life.
Ask Open Ended Questions
Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to expand on his thoughts and comments. And one question will lead to another. You can ask open-ended questions almost endlessly, drawing out of the other person everything that he or she has to say on a particular subject.
Be Content to Listen
In order to be an excellent conversationalist, you must resist the urge to dominate the discussion. The very best conversationalists seem to be low-key, easy-going, cheerful, and genuinely interested in the other person. They seem to be quite content to listen when other people are talking and they make their own contributions to the dialogue rather short and to the point.
Share the Opportunity to Talk
In fact, good conversation has an easy ebb and flow, like the tide coming in and going out. Whether it is between two people or among several, the conversation should shift back and forth, with each person getting an opportunity to talk. Conversation in this sense is like a ball that is tossed from person to person, with no one holding on to it for very long.
If you feel that you have been talking for too long, you should stop and ask a question of someone in the group. You will be tossing the conversational ball and giving that individual an opportunity to converse.
Learn to Listen Well
Listening is the most important of all skills for successful conversation. Many people are very poor listeners. Since everyone enjoys talking, it takes a real effort to practice the fundamentals of excellent listening and to make them a habit.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, make a habit of asking good, open-ended questions of others in every conversation and in response to problems or difficulties. This shows interest and increases your understanding.
Second, take a deep breath, relax and let the other person talk more. Practice over and over until you become an excellent listener.
"Influence People and Get What You Want - Using Only Your Words"
It's a simple fact - the most successful people in the world are also the best communicators. Your ability to communicate with others will account for fully 85% of your success in your business and in your life.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
THE ANATOMY OF FEAR
And God said to Moses: “Come to Pharaoh…” – Exodus 10:1
It is time to reveal secrets that are bound above and below. Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” .... But God brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...
Fear is perhaps our greatest enemy. Not because it is loud and aggressive, but because it is invisible. Is there a person alive that does not suffer from some fear, known or (even worse) unknown? And what effects do our fears have on our lives – what impact does it have on our choices and ambitions, on our behavior, pride, jealousy, anger and so many other emotions? Can it even be measured?
Is our drive for success a way to mask or compensate for some of our fears? What critical mass effect does fear have on society?
Above all, what are we exactly afraid of and what is the root of fear? Without getting to the core of our fears we can hardly expect to alleviate them.
This question is more compelling today than ever as we face fears of all sorts, as national and international tensions continue to escalate, unleashing our underlying emotions in this climate of global uncertainty.
Though our fears today have obvious roots (fear of attack, fear of death), yet we see that there are individuals – as has always been the case in history – that do not get paralyzed by fear and have the ability to grow through it. What is their secret?
Here are the secrets to both the roots of Fears and their Antidotes
The post opens with the following words: And G-d said to Moses: “Come to Pharaoh…” The Zohar [classical mystical text] asks the question: Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” ... But God brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...”
Moses had already visited Pharaoh many times before this commandment, “Come to Pharaoh.” What suddenly frightened Moses this time around? And how did God’s response “Come to Pharaoh” assuage his fear?
Up till this point Moses dealt with Pharaoh in his various manifestations, not his essence. But now he is told to enter into the core essence of Pharaoh’s evil, the ‘great serpent.’ This terrified Moses. To which God responds: “Come to Pharaoh,” Come with me. God is saying that you don’t go alone. I come with you and help you eradicate the evil at its source.
And here we see the true nature of fear.
Fear’s true power is in the loneliness that it imposes upon us. We feel we are alone in our predicament. We feel that no one can understand our pain and suffering. And even if someone can empathize, we still feel that they are not with us, not one with us and therefore ultimately we remain isolated.
Life inherently has a built in existential insecurity. Upon birth, the Talmud tells us, we are made to forget the teachings ingrained into our very psyches and souls. Existence, the mystics teach us, is an effect of a cosmic detachment. As a result of the ‘great tzimtzum’ we feel all alone; we feel we are on our own – isolated in a desolate universe, disconnected from any source of sustenance.
This existential loneliness is the root of fear. And this is what Moses – even the great Moses – was so terrified of as he prepared to confront the core evil of Pharaoh, the ‘supernal serpent.’ He was afraid and felt that he was going alone.
Obviously, Moses’ fear is relative to him and to the unprecedented challenge he was facing: Encountering and purging the root essence of evil.
Fear is relative to each person and his/her situation, the difficulties each of us faces and the strengths each of us has. What frightens one person may not even stir another. Yet, the common denominator between all of us is – and this is the relevant lesson we derive from Moses – that fear (on the level relative to us) results from our sense of isolation.
And therefore God’s response to Moses’ terror is, “Come with Me,” I go with you.
This is the powerful message that each of us must take from parshat Bo – “Come with Me.” No matter how lonely we may feel, especially in our loss and pain, we are not alone.
The only answer to the invisible power of fear – the fear of being alone – is to recognize that you are not alone.
You are never alone.
It is time to reveal secrets that are bound above and below. Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” .... But God brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...
Fear is perhaps our greatest enemy. Not because it is loud and aggressive, but because it is invisible. Is there a person alive that does not suffer from some fear, known or (even worse) unknown? And what effects do our fears have on our lives – what impact does it have on our choices and ambitions, on our behavior, pride, jealousy, anger and so many other emotions? Can it even be measured?
Is our drive for success a way to mask or compensate for some of our fears? What critical mass effect does fear have on society?
Above all, what are we exactly afraid of and what is the root of fear? Without getting to the core of our fears we can hardly expect to alleviate them.
This question is more compelling today than ever as we face fears of all sorts, as national and international tensions continue to escalate, unleashing our underlying emotions in this climate of global uncertainty.
Though our fears today have obvious roots (fear of attack, fear of death), yet we see that there are individuals – as has always been the case in history – that do not get paralyzed by fear and have the ability to grow through it. What is their secret?
Here are the secrets to both the roots of Fears and their Antidotes
The post opens with the following words: And G-d said to Moses: “Come to Pharaoh…” The Zohar [classical mystical text] asks the question: Why does it say, “Come to Pharaoh”? It should have said, “Go to Pharaoh” ... But God brought Moses into a chamber within a chamber, to the... supernal and mighty serpent from which many levels evolve...which Moses feared to approach himself because he saw that he was rooted in supernal roots...”
Moses had already visited Pharaoh many times before this commandment, “Come to Pharaoh.” What suddenly frightened Moses this time around? And how did God’s response “Come to Pharaoh” assuage his fear?
Up till this point Moses dealt with Pharaoh in his various manifestations, not his essence. But now he is told to enter into the core essence of Pharaoh’s evil, the ‘great serpent.’ This terrified Moses. To which God responds: “Come to Pharaoh,” Come with me. God is saying that you don’t go alone. I come with you and help you eradicate the evil at its source.
And here we see the true nature of fear.
Fear’s true power is in the loneliness that it imposes upon us. We feel we are alone in our predicament. We feel that no one can understand our pain and suffering. And even if someone can empathize, we still feel that they are not with us, not one with us and therefore ultimately we remain isolated.
Life inherently has a built in existential insecurity. Upon birth, the Talmud tells us, we are made to forget the teachings ingrained into our very psyches and souls. Existence, the mystics teach us, is an effect of a cosmic detachment. As a result of the ‘great tzimtzum’ we feel all alone; we feel we are on our own – isolated in a desolate universe, disconnected from any source of sustenance.
This existential loneliness is the root of fear. And this is what Moses – even the great Moses – was so terrified of as he prepared to confront the core evil of Pharaoh, the ‘supernal serpent.’ He was afraid and felt that he was going alone.
Obviously, Moses’ fear is relative to him and to the unprecedented challenge he was facing: Encountering and purging the root essence of evil.
Fear is relative to each person and his/her situation, the difficulties each of us faces and the strengths each of us has. What frightens one person may not even stir another. Yet, the common denominator between all of us is – and this is the relevant lesson we derive from Moses – that fear (on the level relative to us) results from our sense of isolation.
And therefore God’s response to Moses’ terror is, “Come with Me,” I go with you.
This is the powerful message that each of us must take from parshat Bo – “Come with Me.” No matter how lonely we may feel, especially in our loss and pain, we are not alone.
The only answer to the invisible power of fear – the fear of being alone – is to recognize that you are not alone.
You are never alone.
The Law of Compensation
You Get What You Give
Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his essay, "Compensation," wrote that each person is compensated in like manner for that which he or she has contributed. The Law of Compensation is another restatement of the Law of Sowing and Reaping. It says that you will always be compensated for your efforts and for your contribution, whatever it is, however much or however little.
Increase Your Value
This Law of Compensation also says that you can never be compensated in the long term for more than you put in. The income you earn today is your compensation for what you have done in the past. If you want to increase your compensation, you must increase the value of your contribution.
Fill Your Mind With Success
Your mental attitude, your feelings of happiness and satisfaction, are also the result of the things that you have put into your own mind. If you fill your own mind with thoughts, visions and ideas of success, happiness and optimism, you will be compensated by those positive experiences in your daily activities.
Do More Than You're Paid For
Another corollary of the Law of Sowing and Reaping is what is sometimes called the, "Law of Overcompensation." This law says that great success comes from those who always make it a habit to put in more than they take out. They do more than they are paid for. They are always looking for opportunities to exceed expectations. And because they are always overcompensating, they are always being over rewarded with the esteem of their employers and customers and with the financial rewards that go along with their personal success.
Provide the Causes, Enjoy The Effects
One of your main responsibilities in life is to align yourself and your activities with Law of Cause and Effect (and its corollaries), accepting that it is an inexorable law that always works, whether anyone is looking or not. Your job is to institute the causes that are consistent with the effects that you want to enjoy in your life. When you do, you will realize and enjoy the rewards you desire.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, remind yourself regularly that your rewards will always be in direct proportion to your service to others. How could you increase the value of your services to your customers today?
Second, look for ways to go the extra mile, to use the Law of Overcompensation in everything you do. This is the great secret of success.
Monday, 17 November 2008
The Magic of Solitude
The greatest men and women of all ages have practiced solitude regularly. They learned how to use silence to still their minds and tap into their superconscious powers for answers to their questions.
In this article, you'll learn how you can apply this wonderful technique immediately to improve the quality of your inner and outer life.
The Magic of Solitude
Your feelings, your emotions, are the access point to your inner powers of mind. The most important part in the process of getting in touch with your feelings is to begin to practice solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most powerful activity in which you can engage. Men and women who practice it correctly and on a regular basis never fail to be amazed at the difference it makes in their lives.
Most people have never practiced solitude. Most people have never sat down quietly by themselves for any period of time in their entire lives. Most people are so busy being busy, doing something-even watching television-that it's highly unusual for them to simply sit, deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become great when they begin to take time quietly by themselves, when they begin to practice solitude." And here's the method you can use.
To get the full benefit of your periods of solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.
Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.
Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.
You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At this point, you'll be ready to get the full benefit of these moments of contemplation.
The River of Ideas
The incredible thing about solitude is that if it is done correctly, it works just about 100 percent of the time. While you're sitting there, a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through your mind. You'll think about countless subjects in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.
At a certain stage during your period of solitude, the answers to the most pressing difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.
Trusting Yourself
When you emerge from this period of quiet, you must do exactly what has come to you. It may involve dealing with a human situation. It may involve starting something or quitting something. Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that you received in solitude, it will turn out to be exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be OK. And it will usually work out far better than you could have imagined. Just try it and see.
You must learn to trust yourself. You must develop the habit of listening to yourself and then acting on the guidance you receive.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, select a specific time and place to sit quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.
Second, take small periods of silence and solitude during the day, especially when you feel overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.
Third, take action immediately on the ideas and insights you receive while in solitude. One good idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust
In this article, you'll learn how you can apply this wonderful technique immediately to improve the quality of your inner and outer life.
The Magic of Solitude
Your feelings, your emotions, are the access point to your inner powers of mind. The most important part in the process of getting in touch with your feelings is to begin to practice solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most powerful activity in which you can engage. Men and women who practice it correctly and on a regular basis never fail to be amazed at the difference it makes in their lives.
Most people have never practiced solitude. Most people have never sat down quietly by themselves for any period of time in their entire lives. Most people are so busy being busy, doing something-even watching television-that it's highly unusual for them to simply sit, deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become great when they begin to take time quietly by themselves, when they begin to practice solitude." And here's the method you can use.
To get the full benefit of your periods of solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.
Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.
Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.
You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At this point, you'll be ready to get the full benefit of these moments of contemplation.
The River of Ideas
The incredible thing about solitude is that if it is done correctly, it works just about 100 percent of the time. While you're sitting there, a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through your mind. You'll think about countless subjects in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.
At a certain stage during your period of solitude, the answers to the most pressing difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.
Trusting Yourself
When you emerge from this period of quiet, you must do exactly what has come to you. It may involve dealing with a human situation. It may involve starting something or quitting something. Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that you received in solitude, it will turn out to be exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be OK. And it will usually work out far better than you could have imagined. Just try it and see.
You must learn to trust yourself. You must develop the habit of listening to yourself and then acting on the guidance you receive.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, select a specific time and place to sit quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.
Second, take small periods of silence and solitude during the day, especially when you feel overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.
Third, take action immediately on the ideas and insights you receive while in solitude. One good idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust
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